Etiquette and Manners

By Joyce Witherspoon

At the turn of the century, there were things that were common practice that
have gone by the wayside, though some have been carried on. Perhaps etiquette
and manners are something that we should be taking another look at and
possibly adopting them back into our lifestyle. What do you think?

Basic social rules for gentlemen were to always wear gloves on the street, in
church & other formal occasions, except when eating or drinking. White or cream-colored gloves were for evening and gray or other darker colors for day wear. Standing up when a lady entered a room or when she stood was a common practice.

Imagine the commotion in a room of gentlemen when the lady entered. Out of
courtesy and proper etiquette men were to offer a lady his seat if no others were available. Once the chair was offered and accepted the etiquette was not complete. The gentleman would assist the lady with her chair when she sat down or stood, especially when at a table or when the chairs were small and light. If a lady happened to drop the handkerchief that ladies always carried, or any other item, again proper etiquette for the gentleman was to retrieve the item for her.

Gone are the days when men opened doors for women and helped with her coat, cloak or shawl. When entering a building men always removed their hats. When meeting a lady in public it was proper etiquette to lift your hat when she greeted you. Merely touching the brim or a slight "tip" of the hat was very rude. Rules were that gentlemen offered their arm to escort a lady into or out of a building or a room at all social events, and whenever walking on uneven ground.

Gentlemen never referred to another person by their first name in public or cursed or discussed "impolite" subjects when ladies were present. The use of tobacco in any form was not used when ladies were present.

Leaving a lady that the gentlemen knew was just not done unless of course he had permission to do so first. On the other side of the coin, ladies would graciously accept gentlemanly offers of assistance. Ladies wore gloves on the street, at church and other formal occasions, except when
eating or drinking. As with the gentlemen ladies did not refer to another adult by his or her first name in public. With the attire of dress and hoops a lady never lifted her hoops or skirts higher than was absolutely necessary to go up stairs.

Proper posture was a must and sitting with your legs crossed was just not done. When a lady was to sit she waited for, or if necessary asked for assistance when sitting down at a table or on a small light chair and never lifted her skirts up onto the seat of the chair. Ladies spoke in soft voices, never using loud or coarse language.

When at a social function gentlemen were reminded that requesting a lady to
dance must be one with honor as that is what it was. Once the request was made the ladies never refused one gentleman and accepted another for the same dance, unless it was previously promised. Gentlemen lead the lady on and off the dance floor and prior to dancing the gentlemen would bow and the lady curtsey before beginning the dance. Gentlemen always thanked the lady for the honor of dancing with her. A smile and a nod were sufficient responses to a gentleman's

"Thank you". You were never to dance with the same partner more than once or, at most, twice in an evening, especially your spouse. Gentlemen were expected to dance, and dance frequently, leaving no "wall-flowers" who were willing, and waiting to dance.

When dining at a formal dinner the gentlemen are to tend to the needs of the
lady on their left, as well as making agreeable conversation with ladies to either side and across the table. A lady never serves herself from a buffet line. She informs her dinner partner of her wishes and he brings her plate to her. Gentlemen were allowed to tuck their napkin into their collar to prevent soiling their shirt or tie, but ladies should place their napkin in their laps. Opinions varied regarding ladies' withdrawal to the drawing room after the meal while the men indulge in port, cigars and masculine conversation. Follow the lead of the host and hostess.

A lot of these etiquette rules and musts were put to the way side as formal dinners were not that frequent but if the opportunity arose many remembered proper etiquette and all were adhered to. Wonder if you will but perhaps a little more respect would be shown if people were to return to just a few of the things that were practised at the time of the pioneer.